An Open Letter to the Open Hearted (the curious case of John Smith & Mary Jones' nose)

An Open Letter

To

The Open Hearted

(The Curious Case of John Smith & Mary Jones’ Nose)

by

David Samuel Parkins

And one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. And he went into the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to meat. And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster box of ointment, and stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him; for she is a sinner. And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on. There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman, since the time I came in, hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also? And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace (Luke7:36-50).

35 years ago, on the 9^th of September 1981, in the kitchen of number 7 Mensa Close on St. Peter’s Estate in Leicester, I was saved. I distinctly remember being so convicted of my sinful state by The Holy Spirit that I could barely pray, but Jesus received me & I Him. Despite having done more wrong than I’ve done right in my lifetime so far, I have seen the gracious hand of God move on my behalf more times than I can possibly recount. This He has done in spite of me, not because of me. God is so very good. All the time. I’m sure that we can all testify to this.

On balance, our Heavenly Father asks very little of us & yet even in this we fail, often because of our own stiffnecked disobedience & unwavering unwillingness. Ah, the flesh. No wonder Paul tweeted in Romans7:24 ‘Oh wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death’. Ok, Paul didn’t tweet that, but at least I have your attention now.

At the time of this writing, I’ve just been speaking to a dear friend & brother in Christ. Actually, it was the man who witnessed to me & led me to The Lord back in 1981. I called him to thank him. I called him to thank him so very much for sharing the Gospel with me. We both gave testimony to the goodness & greatness of Christ. We both thanked God for our salvation. He who has been forgiven much, will love much.

Of course, it’s relatively easy to look back & be grateful in retrospect, but I know & have seen lately that He requires me [more now than ever] to do for others what He has done for me. At a time when the love of many is waxing cold, we who are brothers & sisters in Christ ought to be loving each other with the love of God. Peter puts it this way, ‘Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:’ (1^stPeter1:22) & ‘above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins’ (1^stPeter4:8). Lord Jesus, have mercy on us all. There’s a lot of lukewarm love going around, the kind that will love you as long as you agree with it. This is not the love of God.

The very thing that we are called to do among ourselves, is the very thing that we are not doing & I would hasten to say that it isn’t pleasing to The Lord at all. On this point, I have several things to say, but The Word of God has significantly more to say than I do, so we’ll be safer all ‘round if we go to The Scriptures. I trust that we can agree on that fact at least, if nothing else.

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;…Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not…Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord (Romans12:9-10,14,17-19).

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another (Galatians5:13-15).

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians4:1-3). Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians4:31-32).

If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves (Philippians2:1-3).

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful (Colossians3:12-15).

And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: (1^stThessalonians3:12). But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another (1^stThessalonians4:9).

Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; for he is faithful that promised; and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching (Hebrews10:23-25).

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another; love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: (1^stPeter3:8-10).

When you & I came to God through Christ, we weren’t offering The Lord an apology; we were convicted of our sin & we repented. He didn’t accept an apology; He forgave us for our depravity & sin & He received us. He made good on His Word to us & unconditionally wiped the slate clean of every sin & every offence against us. As I have said, He asks us for very little by comparison, but the little that He does ask seems nigh impossible for those of us who are carnal. Take a moment to think about what He has done for you. When you’ve done that honestly, take another moment to think about the fact that He asks us to do exactly the same thing for others.

This is a bitter pill for some of us to swallow. I know this all too well. The taste of it is still in my mouth.

Loving one another & forgiving one another seems to be in extremely short supply among us. Yet we fully expect the blessing of God & His approval on our endeavours. We expect Him to accept our worship & our gifts. We’re not talking about a deep understanding of biblical texts or wrestling with fundamental doctrinal issues. We’re talking about a very plain & simple reading of The Bible, the commandment of Christ Himself & the constant admonition of the Apostles. God has not withheld His love & forgiveness from us, so why do we withhold ours from each other? Are we really that selfish, bitter, twisted & carnal?

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift (Matthew5:23-24).

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any; that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses (Mark11:25-26).

I’d like to challenge any of us exegete our way out of the fact that Jesus nailed the exits firmly shut on this one, except the route that requires reconciliation. At this point in time I can honestly say that I have never seen such a proliferation of two things in The Church. I have never seen so many causing offence & I have never seen so many who were offended. The Lord has a cure for both ills, but we will not take His medicine.

For some time I scratched my head, trying to figure out whose side God was on in any given situation of this nature. If it were a clear-cut-case of unrepentant sin or a doctrine that was obviously, demonstrably & fundamentally false, there would be no ambiguity whatsoever. The Bible is crystal clear in this regard. However, most of what I see & hear today & have seen & heard for the last 35 years, most especially in my own woefully inadequate life, has not been of that ilk. It has mainly been purely personal. Such is the curious case of John Smith & Mary Jones’ nose.

Mary Jones asks John Smith what he thinks of her nose. She likes it, her friends like it, her dad likes it & her mother kisses her on it every morning when she wakes up. In response, John Smith tells Mary Jones that she has a big, fat nose, with freckles & an annoying hair growing out of it. He says this because he’s a good Christian man & refuses to lie. Perhaps it is big, fat & freckled, but John shouldn’t have said it to her. Mary Jones is understandably upset. She tells everyone what he said. They are shocked & give their opinions. John Smith is in trouble for [as far as he is concerned] simply being honest. Do you see how much trouble a big, fat, hairy, freckled nose can cause?

Despite the size of Mary Jones’ nose, in fairness, it has to be said that John Smith had an equally big, fat, hairy mouth.

We do not have to do or say the things that we do or say, in the way that we do or say them. We don’t & what’s more, we often know that we don’t. The only thing that we seem to care about is being right, but God’s standard requires us to be righteous. Again, these offences are personal more often than not. They’re not moral or doctrinal. The Lord has set His standard & it’s set in righteousness. Whenever we fall short of that we are not right, whether we’re John Smith or Mary Jones. Offences. Scripture gives us clear instructions concerning how to avoid causing them & what to do when they occur, but we ignore these verses because we prefer being right in our own eyes, to being righteous in the eyes of The Lord. There’s little or no mileage in forgiving someone because it takes the fun out of our desire to blow off some steam & vindicate ourselves.

Often, like John Smith, we say & do things with [what we believe to be] the courage of our convictions. Armed to the teeth with Bible verses, we will tear through & fillet another believer in record time, without an ounce of love or concern. We’re right & they’re wrong. That’s it. I’ve done this & I’ve seen it done. I have also had it done to me. God forgave me & so did the brother that I had treated so very harshly. But strangely enough, I carried an offence for years towards the minister who had given me a dressing down in public, even though it was richly deserved. It’s highly interesting that we will happily do unto others the very things that we do not like to be done unto ourselves.

It is also true that the John Smiths among us will claim to be passionate about truth & as such we will give little or no thought to the fragility of another person’s heart when we proceed to authoritatively justify our position. We lead with a fist full of New Testament Greek, followed swiftly with an uppercut of biblical Hebrew. If this doesn’t floor them, there’s the old ad hominem attack to silence any & all objections. We don’t compromise with error. Of course, this position is completely tenable when dealing with false doctrine, but more often than not it isn’t false doctrine that’s the problem. Then, when the gloves come off, we raise those very same hands up to The Lord & the tongue we have used so viciously against our brother & sister, is used to pray. These things brethren, ought not to be so (James3:10).

Furthermore, when we use Scripture to crush another person’s soul because of a difference of opinion, a secondary or even tertiary issue, we violate the supreme context within which everything we say & do to, with & for each other must be said & done. That context is love. It doesn’t matter how educated we are, how experienced we are, how many friends we have or how many followers there are to our social media platforms. The Lord has made it crystal clear that love, forgiveness & reconciliation are His priorities. Love promotes communication among believers.

I say again, if it were a clear-cut-case of unrepentant sin or a doctrine that was obviously, demonstrably & fundamentally false, there would be no ambiguity whatsoever.

The Mary Jones’ among us also have a part to play. That responsibility is to forgive those who have offended us. At times these toe-crushing-moments happen unwittingly & so they have to be dealt with & diffused. In the meantime, God’s standard doesn’t move an inch. We have to come up to it instead of splashing around in offence infested waters.

Scripture always advocates going to the person involved when an offence has been committed. It never advocates taking the issue public in the first instance. Jesus said, go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother. How much of our praise, worship, adoration, sacrifice, prayer, petition & passion for the things of God go unnoticed by Him because we haven’t obeyed His commandment, neither have we followed His order? My list is a long one. How long is yours?

Do you remember reading the [so called] Lord’s Prayer? Do you remember saying ‘And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.’? (Matthew6:12). Here, Romans13:8 makes complete sense when Paul states, ‘Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.’ How much of a debt of love shows on our account?

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican (Matthew18:15-17).

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful (Luke6:36).

Unfortunately, we refuse to do this & we refuse to do it in this way. We take the issue public first & then justify our position with the help of others who are equally carnal. When we mix our carnality with our Twitter account, website, Facebook page, YouTube channel or blog, we open a huge can of worms. This is easily the most unwise course of action to take. It explicitly violates the teaching & instruction of The Lord Jesus Christ Himself. Never, ever open a can of worms unless you’re a keen angler or a very hungry Sparrow. Nevertheless, this is what we do, time & time again. Because of our easy access to social media, anyone among us can have a platform from which we can do any number of things. This includes doing damage.

Something rather small in comparison to much larger, eternal issues, can very quickly be blown out of all proportion & what’s worse is the fact that misery loves company. Others who feel it necessary to add their penny’s worth of opinion to an issue that is quite frankly none of their business, come slithering out of the woodwork to comment. How easily we reveal ourselves for what we truly are. If Mary Jones had simply followed the order that came down from the top, from The Lord Jesus Christ Himself, the issue could have remained private, been dealt with, then forgiven & forgotten. John’s Smith opened his big mouth about her big nose & now the issue is being treated as if it were something that it is not.

On any given day, at any given time, I can guarantee that there will be someone, somewhere who has been offended & then posted their grievance for all to see on social media. These things happen in real time, therefore it’s pretty easy to conclude that the individuals involved have made no attempt whatsoever at any kind of reconciliation. The knee jerks & hits send. I have to be honest, some of the things that I have seen, heard & read are not becoming of folk who profess Christ. Yet almost daily, there’s something new to say & the distressing thing for me is the fact that other believers can see, hear & read these things, some of whom are much younger in the faith. How foolish, carnal & selfish it is for us to air dirty laundry in such a public way, simply because our pride is hurt & our ego is bruised. Instead of snatching branches from the burning, we are throwing logs onto the fire.

John Smith’s opinion concerning Mary Jones’ nose is just that & it should be treated as such. It isn’t Scripture. However, if he had been asked about the Deity of Christ, the Finished Work of The Cross, Salvation by Grace alone through Faith alone in Christ alone or any other fundamental & essential tenet of the faith, the matter would be a very different one indeed. Yet even in this, The Lord has given us process. How shameful that so many of us do not know what spirit we are of. We are slow to listen, we are swift to speak & we are soon angry. The Bible instructs us to do the exact opposite of this, but we ignore it.

The truth is this; we take our grievances to other people because we know full well that were we to take them to The Lord we would be greeted with the words ‘SO WHAT?’

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God (James1:19-20).

We have absolutely no justification whatsoever for willingly wounding each other simply because we believe we’re right & another is wrong. Where is our longsuffering? Where is our forbearance? Where is our tender-heartedness? Where is our reflection on the fact that we are to forgive in the same manner that God forgave us for Christ’s sake? Are we so poorly developed in our walk that the character of Christ is nowhere to be seen in us? Really? In His infinite wisdom, The Lord has thrown the sharp-tongued in together with the equally thin-skinned. He has also given us His Word & although most of us should have our tongues beaten into ploughshares, the remainder ought also to consider the fact that our reaction to an offence can in itself be an offence to God too.

In Scripture there are no references to forgiving another only if they repent. Neither are there any verses that cover our classic but-you-don’t-know-what-they-said-or-did excuse. I have yet to find any teaching that encourages us to hold onto our grudges, demonise each other or assassinate each other personally. It’s never us, or anything we have done whenever offences arise. It’s always the other person. This is the sandy premise upon which we build our cases against each other & attempt to justify our vilifications. Soon enough there’s a back-&-forth that is neither edifying or reconciliatory. This is not pleasing to God in the least. Again, The Lord has set His standard & it’s set in righteousness. Whenever we fall short of that we are not right, whether we’re John Smith or Mary Jones.

If it makes us feel good to do & say the things that we do & say regardless of the consequences, if we have no problem breaking with biblical protocol & if we are happy to hear what The Lord has to say about us while we do these things then we should crack on. The truth is that God’s Word has a great deal to say to the contrary, not least of which involves us growing up, putting up & shutting up. Your feelings & mine are not in the equation when juxtaposed to His commandments. They’re not grievous.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another…This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you…These things I command you, that ye love one another (John13:34-35,15:12&17).

Look at Facebook & tell me that this new commandment is being hotly pursued by us. I’ll give you a couple of minutes. I had to delete several things myself, even though I felt that I had valid reasons for posting them at the time. However, if I know nothing else I know one fact; The Lord could care less about your justifications & mine. Our likes & our dislikes are inconsequential to Him. My opinion & yours do not count nor contribute when compared to His wisdom.

It may seem clever to pretend that our indignation is righteous, but just in case we forget that The Lord can read the secrets of men’s hearts, He’s quite adept at reminding us. We often exaggerate in order to lend credence to our cause but the truth is that the way in which we say & do what we’re saying & doing reveals more about us than it does about the people in our crosshairs. If we can honestly say that we would confidently defend our words & actions before Jesus Christ concerning these petty issues, crack on. However, every post, tweet, upload, email & article will be upon your head & mine. Having a social media platform does not a ministry make my friends & much of what I see & hear has more akin to the idle words for which we’ll give account, than it does to Godly edifying.

Defend the faith by all means. Pull no punches there whatsoever. Give no quarter to false teachers & their false teachings. But do not pretend that your hurt feelings, pride & bruised ego are on a par with the fundamentals of the faith just so that you can launch a tirade against other believers. This is rank hypocrisy. This is stinking sanctimony. The Bible is crystal clear on this issue. Let brotherly love continue (Hebrews13:1).

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away (1^stCorinthians13:1-8).

Without the love of God, we are just a loud noise going somewhere to annoy someone. For those who wish to continue on their mission & tear others down with no biblical mandate to do so, crack on. You’ll have to skilfully avoid a lot of Scripture in order to feel justified in what you’re doing though. Don’t be surprised when the only people in your life are those who are equally loveless & I want you to know that in my 35 years I have seen the same thing happen to those of your ilk time & time again, without fail.

It is far better & more pleasing to God for us to deal with these matters privately, to forgive one another & be reconciled. I have also found that when I’m criticised (which I am regularly), the person doing it is quite often absolutely right & this always brings us closer together. Pride is a destructive thing. Those of you who strive to walk in love may be perceived as weak, lacking backbone & cowardly simply because you’re unwilling to jump on someone else’s bandwagon. You may be accused of taking sides & this will be a fair accusation. However, it’s The Lord’s side & the side of proper biblical practise that you’re on, The Lord Jesus Christ being your chief example (John2:24-25).

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: (1^stPeter2:21-23).

In God’s economy He expects us to walk in love, yet we cannot seem to manage this for very long without us crying out like children who’ve been wronged in something inconsequential. Whenever we’re told to love one another it’s never with exceptions to the rule. Are we told to love one another if? No we are not. Are we told to forgive one another if? No we are not. It’s a sign of maturity to seek restoration & reconciliation & it’s equally a sign of immaturity for us to engage in the public vilification of others with whom we simply disagree. We will be judged for this & in truth, we’re judged already because the fruit of our lives is on display.

I thank God for dealing with my heart on this matter & I pray he continues. My views on this matter have already caused me to part company with some, but so be it. Amen.