An Open Letter
To
The Open hearted
the curious case of
john smith & mary jones’ nose
Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also? And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace (Luke 7:47-50).
At a time when the love of many is waxing cold, we who are brothers & sisters in Christ ought to be loving each other with the love of God. Peter puts it this way, ‘Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:’ (1st Peter 1:22) & ‘above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins’ (1st Peter 4:8). There’s a lot of lukewarm love going around. The kind that will love you as long as you agree with it. This is not the love of God.
The very thing that we are called to do among ourselves, is the very thing that we are not doing & I would hasten to say that it isn’t pleasing to The Lord at all. On this point, I have several things to say, but The Word of God has significantly more to say than I do, so we’ll be safer all around if we go to The Scriptures. I trust that we can agree on that fact at least, if nothing else.
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another (Romans 12:9-10).
For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Galatians 5:13-14).
I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:1-3).
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:31-32).
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves (Philippians 2:1-3).
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful (Colossians 3:12-15).
And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: (1st Thessalonians 3:12).
But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another (1st Thessalonians 4:9).
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; for he is faithful that promised; and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching (Hebrews 10:23-25).
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another; love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. (1st Peter 3:8-9).
When you & I came to God through Christ, we weren’t offering The Lord an apology; we were convicted of our sin & we repented. He didn’t accept an apology; He forgave us for our depravity & sin & He received us. He made good on His Word to us & unconditionally wiped the slate clean of every sin & every offence against us. As I have said, He asks us for very little by comparison, but the little that He does ask seems nigh impossible some of us. I am guilty of this. This is a bitter pill for some of us to swallow. I know this all too well. The taste of it is still in my mouth.
Loving one another & forgiving one another seems to be in short supply among us. Yet we fully expect the blessing of God & His approval on our endeavours. We expect Him to accept our worship & our gifts. God has not withheld His love & forgiveness from us, so why do we withhold ours from each other? Are we really that selfish, bitter, twisted & carnal? Yes, I’m afraid that sometimes we are.
Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift (Matthew 5:23-24).
And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any; that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses (Mark 11:25-26).
I’d like to challenge anyone to exegete their way out of the fact that Jesus nailed the exits firmly shut on this one, except the route that requires reconciliation. At this point in time I can honestly say that I have never seen such a proliferation of two things in The Church. I have never seen so many causing offence & I have never seen so many who had a cause to be offended. The Lord has a cure for both ills; we must take His medicine.
For some time, I scratched my head, trying to figure out whose side God was on in any given situation of this nature. If it were a clear-cut case of unrepentant sin or a doctrine that was obviously, demonstrably & fundamentally false, there would be no ambiguity whatsoever. The Bible is crystal clear in this regard. However, most of what I see & hear, especially in my own woefully inadequate life, has not been of that ilk. It has mainly been purely personal. Such was the curious case of John Smith & Mary Jones’ nose. If you’re sitting comfortably, I’ll begin.
Mary Jones asks John Smith what he thinks of her nose. She likes it, her friends like it, her dad likes it & her mother kisses her on it every morning when she wakes up. In response, John Smith tells Mary Jones that she has a big, fat nose, with freckles & an annoying hair growing out of it. He says this because he’s a good Christian man & refuses to compromise with a lie. Perhaps it is big, fat & freckled, but John shouldn’t have said it to her. Mary Jones is understandably upset. She tells everyone what he said. They are shocked & give their opinions. John Smith is in trouble for simply being honest, as far as he is concerned. Do you see how much trouble being honest about a big, fat, hairy, freckled nose can cause?
Despite the apparent size of Mary Jones’ nose, in fairness, it has to be said that John Smith had an equally big, fat, hairy mouth.
We do not have to do or say the things that we do or say, in the way that we do or say them. We don’t & what’s more, we often know that we don’t. The only thing that we seem to care about is being right. However, God’s standard requires us to be right-eous. Again, these offences are personal more often than not. They’re not moral or doctrinal. The Lord has set His standard & it’s set in righteousness. Whenever we fall short of that we are not right, whether we’re John Smith or Mary Jones. Scripture gives us clear instructions concerning how to avoid causing offences & what to do when they occur. But we ignore these verses. There’s little or no mileage in forgiving someone because it takes the fun out of our desire to blow off some steam & vindicate ourselves.
Often, like John Smith, we say & do things with the courage of our convictions. Armed to the teeth with Bible verses, we will tear through & fillet another believer in record time, without an ounce of love or concern. We’re right. They’re wrong. That’s it. I’ve done this & I’ve seen it done. I have also had it done to me. God forgave me & so did the brother that I had treated so very harshly. But strangely enough, I carried an offence for years towards the minister who had given me a dressing down in public, even though it was richly deserved. It’s highly interesting that we will happily do unto others the very things that we do not like to be done unto ourselves.
It is also true that the John Smiths among us will claim to be passionate about truth & as such we will give little or no thought to the fragility of another person’s heart when we proceed to authoritatively justify our position. We lead with a fist full of Greek, followed swiftly with an uppercut of Hebrew. We’ll elbow they’re teeth out with Church history. If this doesn’t floor them, there’s the old ad hominem attack to silence any & all objections.
Then, when the gloves come off, we raise those very same hands up to The Lord & the tongue we have used so viciously against our brother & sister, is used to pray. These things ought not to be so (James 3:10). Furthermore, when we use Scripture to crush another person’s soul because of a difference of opinion, a secondary or even tertiary issue, we violate the supreme context within which everything we say & do to, with & for each other must be said & done. That context is the love of God.
The Mary Jones’ among us also have a part to play. That responsibility is to forgive those who have offended us. At times these toe crushing moments happen unwittingly & so they have to be dealt with & diffused. In the meantime, God’s standard doesn’t move an inch. We have to come up to it instead of splashing around in offence infested waters.
Scripture always advocates going to the person involved when an offence has been committed. It never advocates taking the issue public in the first instance. How much of our praise, worship, adoration, sacrifice, prayer, petition & passion for the things of God go unnoticed by Him because we haven’t obeyed His commandment, neither have we followed His order? My list is a long one. How long is yours?
Do you remember reading the so called Lord’s Prayer? Do you remember saying ‘And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.’? (Matthew 6:12). Here, Romans 13:8 makes complete sense when Paul states, ‘Owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.’ How much of a debt of love shows on our account? I am well & truly in the red.
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican (Matthew 18:15-17).
Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful (Luke 6:36).
Unfortunately, we refuse to do this & we refuse to do it in this way. We take the issue public first & then justify our position with the help of others who are equally carnal. When we mix our offences with our social media empires & messaging services, we open a huge can of worms. This is easily the most unwise course of action to take. It explicitly violates the teaching & instruction of The Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
Never, ever open a can of worms, unless you’re a keen angler or a very hungry Sparrow.
Nevertheless, this is what we do, time & time again. Because of our easy access to social platforms, anyone among us can have a stage from which we can do any number of things. This includes doing damage.
Something rather small in comparison to much larger, eternal & salvific issues, can very quickly be blown out of all proportion & what often makes a situation worse is the fact that misery loves company. Others who feel it necessary to add their penny’s worth of opinion to an issue that is quite frankly none of their business, come slithering out of the woodwork to comment. It reveals our character, or lack of it. If Mary Jones had simply followed the order that came down from the top, from The Lord Jesus Christ Himself, the issue could have remained private, been dealt with, then forgiven & forgotten. John Smith opened his big mouth about Mary’s big nose & now the issue is being treated as if it were something that it is not.
On any given day, at any given time, I can guarantee that there will be someone, somewhere who has been offended & then posted their grievance for all to see on some social media platform or another. These things happen in real time, therefore it’s pretty easy to conclude that the individuals involved have made no attempt whatsoever at any kind of reconciliation. The knee jerks & the forefinger hits send. I have to be honest, some of the things that I have seen, heard & read are not becoming of folk who profess Christ. Yet almost daily, there’s something new to say & the distressing thing for me is the fact that other believers can see, hear & read these things, some of whom are much younger in the faith.
John Smith’s opinion concerning Mary Jones’ nose is just that; an opinion. It should be treated as such. It isn’t Scripture. However, if he had been asked about the Deity of Christ, the Finished Work of The Cross, Salvation by Grace alone through Faith alone in Christ alone or any other fundamental & essential tenet of the faith, the matter would be a very different one indeed. Yet even in this, The Lord has given us process. How shameful that so many of us do not know what spirit we are of (Luke 9:55). We are slow to hear, we are swift to speak & we are soon angry. The Bible instructs us to do the exact opposite of this, but we ignore it.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20).
The truth is this; we take our grievances to other people because we know full well that were we to take them to The Lord we may very well be greeted with the words ‘SO WHAT?’
We have absolutely no justification whatsoever for willingly wounding each other simply because we believe we’re right & another is wrong. Where is our longsuffering? Where is our mercy? Where is our forbearance? Where is our tenderheartedness? Where is our reflection on the fact that we are to forgive in the same manner that God forgave us for Christ’s sake? Where is our love? Are we so poorly developed in our walk that the character of Christ is nowhere to be seen in us? In His infinite wisdom, The Lord has thrown the sharp tongued in together with the equally thin-skinned. Although some of us should have our tongues beaten into ploughshares, the remainder ought also to consider the fact that our reaction to an offence can in itself be an offence to God.
In Scripture, there are no references to forgiving another only if they repent. Neither are there any verses that cover our classic but-you-don’t-know-what-they-said-or-did plea. I have yet to find any teaching that encourages us to hold onto our grudges, demonise each other or assassinate each other personally. It’s never us, or anything we have done whenever offences arise. It’s always the other person. This is the sandy premise upon which we build our cases against each other & attempt to justify our vilifications.
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another…This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you…These things I command you, that ye love one another (John 13:34-35, 15:12 & 17).
Let brotherly love continue (Hebrews 13:1).
